Friday, October 17, 2003
Tuesday Briefing
Special edition
WEB OF PORNOGRAPHY
10-17-03
Pride goes before the fall.
Inwardly I had some pride that during these last months with the DSL at home I had not even felt tempted to try online pornography.
Then last week I was exploring some buttons on the software programs to see what happened. You know there are all sorts of photo editing, instant messaging and other stuff that they include in the initial software bundle. I hit a place that launched the online radio stations and the ways to download recorded music and music videos.
This automatically gave me a music video by Madonna. There was a link to her web site. I clicked that. Partially I was amazed at what this technology can do in the entertainment field. Just like yesterday I saw some amazing leading edge educational applications where Power Point slides are streamed right along the side of a video of the teacher.
In the process of exploring the Madonna web site I was also made aware of the various ways she has performed over the years. Some of these methods was very seductive. That incident got me stirred up in my emotions. This contributed to the slip a few days later. (… more on that later)
Pornography had been a major part of my teen years. My parents allowed me to subscribe to Playboy and Penthouse from age 13 to 20. After a few days the pictures got boring. I read the stories and letters from the readers. These fired up my imagination. I learned to create exotic movies in my head.
Note that at this time I was a pagan unbeliever. Our family did not attend church. I was struggling with the agnostic question about the existence of God. If you want to read more about my complex background then follow these links
http://www.hisstewardshipministries.homestead.com/files/JSO/Testimony.htm
http://www.hisstewardshipministries.homestead.com/files/JSO/JSO_Testimoinies.htm
http://www.hisstewardshipministries.homestead.com/files/JSO/JSO_short_salvation_testimony.htm
The bottom line is that when I am super stressed I am vulnerable to replay those movies in my head from the teen years and make up some new ones. I have prayed long and hard over the last 25 years to become delivered and healed of this fault. There had been no real progress.
I know enough about the holiness of God and as a child of God my call to personal holiness and righteousness for this to trouble me greatly. Other men struggle with this too. That is of some comfort but still I need to seek victory in Jesus name.
Last year at about this time, I prayed especially earnestly for God to make a way of escape and deliverance from this long standing stronghold. Then a while later I learned of Celebrate Recovery the Christian 12 step program I have been attending on Monday night. Thankfully God has provided close relationships with a few accountability partners there.
Also the six videos about Theophostic Ministries told many testimonies of those that had been completely changed. The bad habits and hang ups of many years went away with this prayer method was used. Again thankfully God has provided relationships with some wonderful people that are experience in this field.
As you can tell from my previous writings, I have lived a very difficult life. The only consistent factor from 1977 until today has been my desire to begin and lead an innovative Christian ministry. By the grace of God that could begin within a week or two. Only a few more pieces need to come into place to publish audio messages over the web. The testimonies, teaching and interviews will serve the greater body of Christ.
The enemy has been attacking more than usual. I have become convinced that the devil cannot directly prevent me from obeying the Lord Jesus Christ, BUT he can pile on the temptations and distractions.
A few days after the Madonna incident I was feeling bad. There was another cash flow pinch. I had gotten over the abrupt end of the relationship with Art. My desk was finally clear. I had a direction from God to use the web to publish audio message. But there was no assurance that this would lead to the desired break thru. I recalled that it was enjoyable to be slightly aroused with the music video.
I do not recall exactly how it began. But it grew like a snowball rolling down a mountian. I visited a zillion sites. Then from the links pages on those sites I went further into the dark side of the web. Time would melt away. Last night it was four hours and six hours the night before that. Those were the longest times of the last ten days.
God have mercy on teen boys!
Until this morning I thought that I could handle this alone. I was deceived. My mind and emotions were flooded with sick ideas and images. As I called upon the name of the Lord Jesus He directed me to listen to the New Testament on tape. I did not have the concentration to read. The Word of God spoke to my heart. I was instantly remained of the person of Jesus and the biblical principles. God used these minutes to clear the fog.
While on the job today I could fell the pull back to the dark side. In my own strength I cannot win. Thus I have called for prayers. It is a matter of spiritual warfare. I will become open about this with the accountability partners God has already place in my life. Please pray for our relationships and times together. I have parental controls on the browser that I will begin to use. May I put on the whole armor of God and stand against the enemy.
Hopefully God will use this to propel me toward the help, healing and health that I seek. May God become glorified in redeeming my life from destruction. May the coming spiritual victories be used by God not only to deliver me but to also help others later.
These next three days are critical. I am off on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. During that time may I not slip back into the same quicksand -- while also making real progress toward launching the ministry.
During these three days I can be practicing with the new portable digital voice recorder and editing software. Also this is the season to design the site map for the prototype web site as well as flesh out some of the initial web pages.
THANKS for your prayers!
John 5:17 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Tuesday Briefing
Special edition
VEHICLE BURGLARIZED
10-15-03
Last night my vehicle was burglarized.
When I opened the door I noticed the glove compartment was opened and the contents all over the place.
Someone took the quarters for the toll way, plus the Mapsco and jumper cables. This is a Ford Escort that is a mini station wagon. They reechoed over the back seat to get the jumper cables and rummage through the other items.
I have only basic liability insurance. Even if I had comprehensive the loss would be less than the deductible.
The apartment lease says that they have no responsibility.
Also this person broke into my neighbor’s vehicle near to mine and took the radio and speakers. Even more unfortunately that vehicle was not his own but borrowed. The owner is going to work things out with my neighbor to repay him.
I have felt numb, violated, insecure and peaceful today. I do not hold anger against the burglar.
Here are the lessons I have learned so far.
Security is a relative thing. I have lived in the same apartment complex since 1991. This is the Hamptons in East Dallas near the seminary and Baylor Hospital. The neighborhood has improved during recent years. They added a security gate a few years ago. AFTER that my apartment was burglarized three times by a neighbor and now this event.
The apartment manager showed me that the security gate takes a full 20 seconds to close after a person exits. Any clever person could enter.
Last year the apartment manager said that some person used heavy duty wire cutters to cut through the chain link fence under the barbed wire. They walked to the other side of the property to cut a bicycle that was secured with a cable.
The best and most affordable lesson from the apartment manager was the wisdom of covering up anything in the car with a towel. That can remove the visual temptation.
I am not sure how ask you to pray. Just let the Holy Spirit lead.
John 7:21 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
TUESDAY BRIEFING
7-8-03
ALL glory to God in Jesus Name!
May the peace of God attend your choices.
May you be open and honest with believers.
May truth become even more valuable for you.
Amen?
COMPLETED
1. Passed out gospels of John in Downtown Dallas with a good friend last week. It was refreshing to get back to the front lines for a while.
2. Went to the Dallas Arboretum on Sunday afternoon. The colors of the flowers amazed me. I hope to return with a digital camera.
3. By the grace of God, He has led me to continue to improve the money management skills. For the FIRST time I have looked ahead more than a month. There is some fancy juggling to be done.
4. THANKS for your prayers. Emotionally this last week has been a roller coaster. There were more downs then ups. I was grieving the end of the business relationship with Art. There was anger, sadness and peace. My desk had been piled high and now it is cleared.
5. God gave special times of anointing to focus on His business.
6. I rarely mention depression. But it happened much last week.
7. Attended a gathering of seminary students that went on short term missing tripe was encouraging for me as I was passing through the valley. Those who went of trips shared their stories and photos with the few dozen present. I know that there and hundred of others that would delight to hear their testimonies over the web.
CURRENT
A. This is the season to request wisdom for the best uses of time and money.
B. The money is stretched more that EVER.
C. May God guide and provide so that the audio messages will SOON be on the web. That prototype will lead to more prayers and more funds.
D. May God give me a rough sketch of a game plan for the rest of this year.
UPCOMING
i. The challenge of the next phase is in balancing plans and ACTIONS.
ii. FOCUS can come from receiving wisdom from God about how to launch Ears to Hear. Then with an overview of the next few months divide that into suitable projects. Thankfully I have the software that will organize and track the many tasks for each project. Then it is just a matter of assigning relative priorities to all that could be done.
iii. Next month I will volunteering at a retreat to refresh ministers that is sponsored my East Gate Ministries. www.eastgateministries.org/ Kindly pray for the zillion preparations and my participation.
IMAGES
Like being a quart low on engine oil.
I need God to put some of His oil into my spiritual tank.
RESOURCES
If you need gospels of John for your outreach or you church and you are in DFW then go to Free Word Ministry www.freeword.org Call the voice mail number listed there and it will direct you to the warehouse.
If you would like to listen to Bible teaching over the web or have free cassette tapes of these sent to you then go to www.firefighters.org
John 11:21 AM
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